Take time to smell those flowers.

Forgive me... I haven't posted anything of substance for a while. As I've said before. Life is busy. Finding time to write a blog is a bit of a luxury at the moment, but I'm glad I've found the energy to spend 5 minutes of writing.

I often feel pulled in so many directions, desperate to excel in all areas and achieve everything to my ridiculously high standards. It wears me down. It leads to feelings of anxiety and guilt. It leads to lowered esteem and that feeling of failure begins to creep in. It's not healthy.

Fortunately I've started to relax and set about changing my way of thinking. Partly because I was feeling so exhausted so had no choice but to let go of a lot of my expectations and standards, but also because I knew it wasn't a positive place to be long term.

To help me in adjusting my mindset, I've started to actively focus on the good stuff. It seems so easy, but in reality it's actually a full conscious effort to appreciate and remember those good parts of each day. I've found, once you start to do this, you release a lot of stress and tension, and I begin letting go of my fear of imperfection. Some days I have to try harder than others.

Today, my wedding song came on the radio as I parked up at the Supermarket. Instead of turning the car off and rushing inside, I took that moment for myself. I sat there, eyes closed like a total weirdo, and remembered my wedding day. I remembered my happiness as I walked down the aisle listening to that song. It sounds stupid, and it kind of is a bit stupid really now that I write it down. But it was a nice place to be in my mind. I'm glad I did it, even if others walked by and thought me very strange.

I don't want to get too deep and philosophical , or start churning out the cliches, but if there was one piece of advice I would have given to myself as a new mother.. it would be this.

Remember the good moments, be present in them, grab them, enjoy them, and soak up the memories. They will help you through challenges and harder days. They'll remind you of why you do what you do and make it all worth it. Go easy on yourself. (I don't know if I would have listened to myself....) 

So, if you're still reading,  let's get back to focusing on the good stuff.

Art's bedtime hug. The beautiful, heart swelling, feel like I'm going to burst with love hugs he has started giving me at the end of the day before I lay him down to sleep are magic. I can't even find words. When he puts his head down softly on my shoulder and just 'rests' there on me for a minute... I'm in heaven. I forget the challenges of my day. I forget everything, and I just melt. I feel loved. I feel complete. It's overwhelming, cheesy, and a wonderful way to end our day together. At this exact moment, at approximately 7.30pm every day, if you were to ask me "So what's life like with a baby?" I'd beg you to go and get pregnant straight away so you can start experiencing this love.

Ask me at 2.30am or 3.30pm, or 9.30am, or 6.00 am and I might say otherwise...

Other moments I quite like to savour include Friday mornings when I get him to fall asleep in my bed and sneak in an early nap, so he has maximum charge before we head off to playgroup.

His little mind in overdrive, watching his reflection, fascinated by the rain pelting the windows. The world is an amazing place when you're this small.

The delight on his face when Daddy comes home. Followed by deep belly giggles that only his Daddy can get out of him. This has now progressed to him only saying Dadda Dadda Dadda and offering an abundance of slobbery open mouthed kisses to his Dadda. What? Me jealous? noooooo. 

I enjoy his little smile that slowly spreads across his face in the car when I play the 'tap your sticks song'. It's quite an annoying song, but I'll push through to see that smile.

He has to SCHMOOOOOOOZE anything soft with a full face smash and snuggle. He love love loves schmoozing. It's bizarre and adorable all at once. This kid is all about texture.

I love his determination to turn the pages in his books himself and feel the little details on the pages with his little fingers so carefully.

I love how he is becoming a little boy.

Hope all you mumma's had a lovely mother's day. Although I worked most of the day, Arthur  My husband gifted me a beautiful ceramic swan which will remain very special for years to come. Despite choosing to wake at 6am instead of 7am, I was lucky to have a sleep in until 8 (yes that's a sleep in) while my husband entertained Art upstairs and cooked me a delicious breakfast. I like mother's day!

I've spent some time wondering whether I should post this. Wondering if I've said too much, thinking I sound like a weirdo... revealing too much of my inner workings.

But there you go. I posted it. I want to go to bed, so a decision had to be made.